I have this arcane ability to spot pyramid-scheme-pushers from a mile away. They are typically well dressed, they smile widely and are skillful at making eye contact. They will be the only ones in the room eager to make conversation with anyone. It is hard to miss them. They have a certain air about them that reeks of a desperate urge to impress. They often exude the implied success in not-so-subtle ways. It is not unexpected for one of these specimens to boisterously answer a call like this, “10k per square foot? Jesus! That’s not what we agreed. Call me back with a better quote”. They will then quickly hang up and apologize to everyone around them, muttering how imported Italian marble is tightly controlled by the mafia.

My first instinct is usually to ignore them. This is typically one of those moments that I will start liking posts on Facebook, or read a book. My latest by the way is Ben Okri’s, The Famished Road, my first foray into the world of magical realism.

What are you reading? The bespectacled gentleman has finally zoomed in on me. I answer him and continue reading. Undeterred, he starts to engage me in small talk. As he talks I somehow begin to feel sad. It is plainly obvious that he is not interested in Ben Okri or the awards that he has won for this very book.

I am positive that he is on a fishing expedition for suckers. I am his next target. I now feel even more sad. What about my appearance made him think I need saving? He must think that I am devoid of income-generating ideas that I will quickly grasp at his every pathetic attempt at explaining the potential windfalls in his so-called business. He must have somehow summarized my goals and ambitions to be null and void and that I will happily toss them all aside and jump on his gravy train. And what a gravy train it will be, he will tell me. I can almost narrate word for word how he will start that conversation. You look familiar, he’ll say, feigning a recollection pause. He’ll certainly ask me what I do for a living. Out of politeness, I’ll answer him and then brace for the punchline. Oh. We have engineers in our company too. He’ll pause to give me an opportunity to ask him what company he works for. I’ll ask, not because I care, but because I want to get over the conversation quickly. And then the sales pitch will begin,

..our company is a multi-channel global business dedicated to bettering the lives of its members through collaboration and access to discounted merchandise from a wide array of products. Through a system of peer-to-peer marketing you can certainly earn a living while buying the products you need and getting your friends to …..

I’ll zone out at this point, carefully avoiding the urge to roll my eyes.

At the end, he’ll try to convince me to attend a meeting on Thursday. It’s always on Thursday for some reason. He’ll be sure to let me know that Jay and John, who are making a killing in this business, will be at the meeting as well. He’ll probably make a joke about whether Jay will be driving the Maserati or the Lambo that day.

I hope my email server flags his email as spam.